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Some say it's the blue eyes, but that's no big deal. Your sister's eyes are the same color and that doesn't save her from ugly, so why should it save you? You've got a nice physique, but you're only 27....
I don't know why you put up with me. Your blotchy dishpan hands, the My Little Pony comb-over, your high-waisted polyester trousers ... you are such a ladykiller. But ever since I put that spyware in your phone you've seemed...
I mean, c'mon. Halloween's coming. There's all kinds of ghouls and goblins out there just cruising for fresh meat. And if that's not bad enough, Spencer Pratt is shopping a sex tape - that means it's beef curtains for us...