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Hey, it's not like you're middle-aged and paunchy - you guys are only 21, 22, right? What are you so worried about? Just because you're universally despised in your neighborhood and seem to date a succession of losers and layabouts...
I mean, c'mon. Halloween's coming. There's all kinds of ghouls and goblins out there just cruising for fresh meat. And if that's not bad enough, Spencer Pratt is shopping a sex tape - that means it's beef curtains for us...